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The Road to the White House
You too can run for president! It's really quite simple if you have the time and money. All you need to do is follow these simple guidelines.
Do something to make yourself famous. Declare to be a candidate in your respective parties and hope to win in the preliminaries. If you don't belong to a party or are fed up with the parties then get yourself on the ballot by forming a loyal following who will spend every moment of their free time to get enough signatures.
The next step is to campaign. Unfortunately, the last few elections' campaigning involved nothing but mudslinging and character bashing. To look good don't do that. Instead, make yourself look good and character a little. Then buy time on the four major networks for several half-hour shows that introduce your family and your ideas. Make your own charts and personalize your pointer into its own character
The next step is to look good in debates. Make sure you know what your talking about and even more so, make sure you hearing aid is turned on. Make a funny remark about your self for instance if you have an oversized bodypart, cash in on it with any one of the following statements: "I'm all ears," "the eyes have it," "I nose what I'm talking about," "I have a gut feeling," "I'm a hands on president," "hair today gone, gone tomorrow" or "I'm heads above the rest."
The final step is to recap your campaign as compared with your opponents'. For instance, come up with a catchy slogan for the other guys like "Turkey and dip," or "Huck and Tom" or "Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber." Make sure that your nice the whole way through.
Some other words of advice are to not quit and be careful. No matter why, don't quit. It may make you lose the election. Also, make sure there are no recording devices in the room when you discuss scandals, I mean tactics.
If you follow these words of advice, you're sure to win, maybe, almost certain, I hope.
Nov 5, 1992